


Nightmare's Past

by Puella777



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Co-Dependency, Drama, F/M, Horror, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Torture, slight romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:01:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puella777/pseuds/Puella777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were a nightmare, but you wanted to be a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your dull colored orbs slowly followed the movements of the teenaged girl eating a parfait with an intricate design, watching as her pink tongue peeked out from inbetween her plump lips to lap up the cold treat. A sense of longing filled you, wondering just how the dessert would taste if you had been born...  
  
Normal.  
  
You realized what you were thinking and flushed guiltily. You subtly glanced from side to side, fearful if someone had seen you with your traitorous thoughts. You met the eyes of your friend, her deep blue eyes knowing.  
  
Averting your own, you went back to wiping the glasses clean with a white dishrag. Your hands were slightly trembling, and you felt sick. Thinking about wanting to become human, you were betraying your kind, betraying Yoshimura, the wonderful man that took you in when your parents died.  
  
**CRASH!**  
  
You dropped the glass that you were holding and it shattered on impact on the ground. You immediately scrambled to pick up the pieces all the while muttering hasty apologies.  
  
"Ah!"  
  
A small glass shard made its way through the tender skin of your thumb. You stared at the trickle of blood and the tears started coming.  
  
Why couldn't you do anything right?  
  
You were clumsy, almost always lost in your thoughts. The only thing that you would succeed was when you were wallowing in self-pity for being something that you didn't want to be, succeeding in making yourself depressed.  
  
You started as a hand took your wrist and you looked up, bottom lip trembling.  
  
"Touka-chan," you murmured, allowing her to gently pick the shard from your finger and ignoring the tiny sting it caused, "I'm sorry..."  
  
"Don't," she said in a stern voice, not even looking at you, "breaking things is your specialty."  
  
You knew that Touka was comforting you in her own way, and you let out a fond smile at her. She glanced up and blushed, looking back down. You resisted the urge to giggle. She was always awkward when it came to social situations.  
  
_**Like you're any better.**_  
  
Your smile froze on your face at the disembodied voice that echoed within your head. You brought a hand to your head but stopped when Touka narrowed her eyes at you. You pretended to run your fingers through your hair.  
  
"I'm always causing trouble," you forced out a laugh, pulling your hand back from her hold and bringing it to your chest, "I should just stay put, right?"  
  
You stood up to get a broom, brushing past Touka. As you hurried away, you forced yourself to ignore the hot sensation of not one, but two pairs of eyes boring into your back.  
  
You gritted your teeth.  
  
_Don't look at me!_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There was that guy again. The cheerful looking guy with the blond hair and headphones hanging around his neck.  
  
He was bright. Too bright. When you looked at him, you felt as if he was radiating sunshine with his perpetual smile and boisterous laughter. Everytime you would see him, you couldn't help but smile.  
  
You had always wanted to meet the person who embodied the traits that you wanted for yourself, but there was only one drawback.  
  
He was human.  
  
After your parents died, you promised yourself to never go near humans again. Working at Anteiku, it went against your oath, but for Yoshimura, you would do anything.  
  
This time, the blond boy brought a friend. The friend was plain, and you instantly classified him as a shy sort of guy. For some reason, you saw yourself in him.  
  
_**Weak and cowardly.**_  
  
You scrubbed at the glass harder than necessary as the voice resounded again.  
  
You hated that voice, but that voice was one of the few things that kept you sane, the others being Yoshimura's approval and the knowledge that someone out there was waiting for you.  
  
You were a romantic at heart, and being rather pessimistic, it was a direct contradiction to you. You believed in happily ever afters, knights in white horses, even evil villains who destroyed dreams. You knew that Ghouls were forever meant to be damned, but what was the harm in hoping?  
  
When you glanced up again, you saw the plain-looking boy staring at someone with glazed eyes and you followed his line of sight. You held in a breath.  
  
You wanted to jump over the counter and cover the boy's eyes, tell him that he could fall for anyone, just not her.  
  
You let out a distressed whimper, looking around for someone to stop that boy. You didn't know why, but you had always been protective of humans. They were innocent. They were ignorant to the fact that they were constant targets for the Ghouls, and it wasn't their fault.  
  
Touka was waiting on a group of teenage girls, Kaya was cleaning a previously occupied table, and Koma was trying to juggle some coffee mugs. Nobody was paying attention.  
  
You pursed your lips and avoided eye contact as Kamishiro Rize passed by the counter on her way out and you tensed as she stopped in front of you.  
  
"Great work today, too."  
  
Sweet, soft, gentle, and sickening. Those were things you used to describe her.  
  
Your mouth twitched. She giggled then she was gone.  
  
You blinked, wondering why you were still standing.  
  
The blond boy was looking at you.


	2. Chapter 2

Rize was dead.  
  
The knowledge had hit you with full force and you couldn't help but gape at Touka like an idiot. She must have seen the way your knees wobbled with the news for she gently explained what happened.  
  
It had seemed that Rize was killed when a building came crashing down on her. Well, part of a building, anyway. But you were shocked and a bit disappointed. Her death had been anticlimatic, and you had thought that she would be murdered by the hands of another ghoul and not by her own miscalculations.  
  
You had also heard that she lured an innocent victim which lead to her untimely demise, and you had briefly wondered what happened to that person. Most likely that he was also dead.  
  
You sighed as you absently doodled on a napkin you grabbed from the counter. Business was slow today since most of their patrons were either students or businessmen and it was a weekday, which meant that customers were few and far in between.  
  
You were seated on some random table, feeling sluggish and vaguely thinking of what to do to pass the time. Sure you liked to draw, but doing so on a piece of napkin wasn't the least bit inspiring, especially compared to sketching on a canvas. Now that would get your creative juices running. The others were sent on an errand by Yoshimura and Touka was left to man the counter. It was alright to leave Anteiku with only the two of them, since they were responsible enough and there were limited customers anyway.  
  
"I'm bored," you whined and you heard your friend scoff. She knew you pretty well, and when you started to complain loudly, that meant that you were serious.  
  
"We have no choice so suck it up," she bluntly stated and you sighed. Touka was so mean sometimes, especially when she was not in front of other people.  
  
The small bell signalling a customer tinkled, and you immediately looked up and glanced toward the entrance, noticing in your peripheral that Touka did the same.  
  
You felt your body heat up when a familiar head of blond entered and you involuntarily tensed. You could literally feel your eyes shining at the sight of the boy's bright appearance.  
  
Pointedly ignoring Touka's frown, you stood up and hurried towards the blond, almost tripping over your own feet. You saw him give a start when you randomly popped in front of him, and you must have looked scary with the big grin on your face.  
  
"Welcome," you cheerfully stated, almost bouncing on the balls of your feet, "please have a seat!"  
  
He seemed to gather his wits and flashed you his own large smile that made your heart skip a beat, "Thanks!"  
  
As he made his way to his usual table, you noticed that his friend wasn't with him today. You smiled in excitement. You wanted to start a conversation with him, and what better topic than your curiosity with his friend?  
  
Breezing past the confused Touka, you almost skipped towards your favorite customer, pushing your shyness to the back of your mind who was screaming at you to retreat.  
  
 ** _He won't like you, you know._**  
  
You gave an abrupt stop, almost losing your balance. Uncertainty washed over you and your breathing deepened, gripping the pen and notepad in your hands.  
  
 ** _No one likes you. Pity, maybe. But like? Don't kid yourself._**  
  
Biting the inside of your lip, you wavered. Your mind was in slight turmoil. Should you approach him, or leave him for Touka to serve?  
  
"Hey, I'm ready to order!"  
  
You snapped your head up to the blond male and you saw that he was looking at you with a crease on his forehead.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
You mechanically nodded, and when you realized what you were doing, you forced out a shaky smile, hoping that he wouldn't pry. He seemed like the curious type.  
  
"I'm fine," you replied as brightly as possible and you heard Touka snort behind the counter. She knew you were pretending. You waved the notepad in the air, "What's your order then?"  
  
The male stated his usual order and you didn't even bother writing it down so you memorized his order since day one. As you were about to leave to prepare his coffee, he stopped you with a small 'hey.'  
  
Blinking, you turned around to his face him and promptly blushed when you noticed the soft look on his expression.  
  
"I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi," he slowly said, tilting his head, "I'm always available if... you want to talk."  
  
Warmth immediately spread throughout your body, and you just stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a laugh.  
  
You felt eyes burn the back of your neck and you knew that Touka was gazing at you with wonder. Since the first time you arrived at Anteiku, you hadn't laughed ones. You smiled, grinned, and giggled, but outright laughed? You never did.  
  
Until now.  
  
It was exhilerating, and you didn't care that you looked like a total nutcase, laughing so hard that tears were starting to form. When was the last time you released your pent-up emotions like this?  
  
A face flickered in your mind and as fast as it appeared, it vanished, and you thought little of it.  
  
Managing to control your happiness, you opened your eyes, not realizing that you even closed it, and beamed at the male, "Thank you, Nagachika-san."  
  
He grinned at you, not at all fake. You just knew.  
  
"Call me Hide. We're friends now, aren't we?"  
  
 ** _Don't make me laugh. No one wants you._**  
  
You gripped your pen tight.  
  
"Yes we are, Hide-kun."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 _"Look look!"_  
  
A young boy turned around to face you with a large grin on his face. You couldn't see his eyes, couldn't determine his hair color; all you could see was the smile that reached to you and shined like a beacon, calling you.  
  
"Isn't it pretty?"  
  
His voice was like buzzing to your ears, but you could understand every word that came out of his mouth and your heart swelled.  
  
The boy was pointing to a lighthouse, tall and white against the dark of the night. You ran towards him, small hands spread out to embrace him. You tried calling out his name, but you couldn't hear your voice. You tried again, and again, and again, and again.  
  
 **againagainagainagainagain  
  
neveragain**  
  
He jumped off the cliff and you stopped, looking up at the lighthouse.  
  
You woke up screaming.


End file.
